Category Archives: really?

FOUND: Berkeley Art?

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A conversation that recently took place in the East Bay:

Chip Dipson: Hey, the trash people wouldn’t take all of this junk.

Dip Dopson: Why don’t you just go dump it somewhere?

Chip Dipson: Ehhh… I don’t like to litter.

Dip Dopson: Let me litter then. I was going to go throw this wood palette into the Bay anyway.

Chip Dipson: A palette you say…

[A short while later, Chip appears with the below]
Berkeley Art?

Dip Dopson: Ok. You’ve created . . . something.

Chip Dipson: I’ve created a solution. What we’re going to do is take this over to Berkeley and leave it somewhere. I get rid of these un-get-rid-ables, you don’t have to dump into the Bay, and Berkeley gets a new piece of art. EVERYBODY WINS.

Dip Dopson: You magnificent bastard.

Chip Dipson: Pull the Scion around. We’re out of here.

Isn’t that the default?

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I got a haircut the other day. Two things:

1) The stylist asked me what temperature I wanted the water when washing my hair. Um. Warm, not scalding? Is there any other temperature for washing hair?

2) Most of the stylists at this place have tattoos, which is fine. But I saw one with a tattoo of a cupcake on her arm. This is unnecessary. You’re human, so you probably like cupcakes. The only acceptable cupcake tattoo is one with the circle and line through it to indicate that you’re anti-cupcake. Otherwise, I’ll do the cupcake math.

Harriet Tubman was great, but not that great

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Char wrote a post about Harriet Tubman, which reminded me of this episode from my youth.

In 6th grade, we were going to do a presentation that was a series of skits on the Civil War. One of the skits was about the Underground Railroad. The girl in charge thought it was literally an underground railroad and wrote the skit under this premise. I asked her if she really thought 1860s engineering was capable of a designing and building a nationwide subway system quiet enough to keep the entire project hidden and unknown to half of the country.

She still didn’t understand.

My only restitution was that from then on, I always put a bit of egg shell in any cupcakes or brownies I made for the class, with the hopes that she would end up eating the piece of shell. This may sound ridiculous, but it was more likely than an 1860s stealth slave-freeing subway system.

Thankfully, the entire performance was quashed before we could perform it in front of the school and parents.

Quantifying American Arrogance

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As a scientist, I’m always looking for ways to quantify the seemingly unquantifiable. I think it’s safe to say that Americans are, whether justifiably or not, arrogant. But what portion of Americans are arrogant? A recent CBS poll finally revealed the answer:
[Palin Poll]
That’s right, 76% of Americans think they can decipher the capricious whims of Sarah Palin. The best I could manage was something about the industrial revolution and a puppy.

In other news, by CBS News math, 52 + 24 + 14 = 100. Furthermore, showed their financial prowess by ritualistically setting more than $732,000 on fire.