In the ’60s, Berkeley was a hotbed of political action, fighting for civil rights and speech.
Attitudes are a little different today…
When in doubt, root for the team that doesn’t put stickers on its helmets.
I’d like to congratulate everyone for never changing.
While United is fixing their plane, the flight attendants were kind enough to put some entertainment on the TVs! Ooh, it’s “America’s Funniest Home Videos”! This is perfect, because I want to know what happens in the funniest home videos from all across America. A couple of things I know in advance. America is a big place. There’s like 300 million people here, so this is a great pool to draw from. Also, some super funny people live in America. There’s this other show, “Louie,” which is all about an American guy Louie CK, and it’s a funny show. Also, I went to a comedy show where this woman Chelsea Peretti and this other guy Aziz Ansari told a whole bunch of funny stories and thoughts and things. And those are just three Americans. So doing some simple math… Holy cow, by taking advantage of ALL of America, “America’s Funniest Home Videos” could be a MILLION times more funny than Louie CK, Chelsea Peretti, and Aziz Ansari!
So what funny things have been happening in the home videos taken by Americans? Let’s go to the video tape!
And there we have it! The funniest things captured on video by Americans! So what have we learned? People, nearly exclusively male, getting hurt without bleeding is funny. The most interesting thing in America is setting up pizza boxes like dominoes. Oh, and America is all white people. I think the old song said it best, “America, America, this is you!”
Prodigious use of the word “only” in two recent conversations, that’s how.
“Do you have any plans for summer?”
“My family is going to Hawaii next week.”
“Wow! You must be excited. How long are you going for?”
“Oh, only 10 days.”
“Only 10 days?!”
“Well…” [trails off]
“You must be happy that the semester is almost over.”
“Yeah, and I’m leaving for Hawaii on Friday!”
“Cool! How long are you going for?”
“Oh, only 6 nights.”
“Only 6 nights?!”
“Well…” [trails off]
I’m at the drink station at local burger chain (Hint: It was In ‘n Out). I kind of bent the cup on the lemonade trigger, so the lid doesn’t go on smoothly, and I end up spilling the whole drink. There’s no mess since it’s right over the drain, but under my breath I sigh “Ah damn.”
Guy next to me must have heard that. He turns to me and says cheerfully, “Don’t worry! There’s more right here!” Indeed, my friend.
Overheard at coffee shop: Coffee should be free, like water.