How to act as a visiting fan during a baseball game

I’ve never been so proud of Odie as when he related this story of his trip to Wrigley to watch his beloved Pittsburgh ‘Irates take on the Cubbies.

Scene: Odie, wearing his #18 Jason Kendall Pirates jersey, and Jack are in the bleachers
Odie: Jack, even though the Pirates are losing, I’m sure glad to be at the game.
Heckler #1: Hey Kendall, why not wear a good #18 from Pirates history?
Odie: Wow, that’s a good heckle. Andy van Slyke was number 18 before Kendall, and he was much better. I’m going to let that go.
Heckler #2: Hey Kendall, where’s Barbie?
Heckler #3: Yeah, where’s Barbie?
Odie: Well, that’s not really a good heckle, but they’re Cubs fans, so they don’t really have much to cheer about.
Heckler #2: Come on Kendall, where’s Barbie?
Heckler #3: Did you guys break up?
Odie: Well, this is getting annoying, but maybe some good will come of this.
A few minutes pass, then Heckler #2 approaches Odie with a hot dog.
Heckler #2: Hey, since you don’t have Barbie anymore, we bought you this hot dog.
Odie: Um, ok, I’ll eat it.
Heckler #2: Yeah you will!
Heckler #2 returns to his seat.
Odie: You know Jack, I don’t like the cut of their jib. [yelling] Hey Hecklers, who has the highest batting average on the Cubs? Real fans, please don’t answer!
Hecklers: [silence]
A minute passes.
Heckler #3: Hey, give that hot dog back!
Two more minutes pass, then they finally answer the question.
Heckler #2: Barrett!
Odie: Well, it’s actually Jacque Jones, but at least you could name a Cub!
Heckler #3: I know how we can show him. Let’s get the wave going!

And that’s how Cubs fans lost their last shred of dignity.

3 thoughts on “How to act as a visiting fan during a baseball game

  1. In defense of us ignorant cub fans, of which I am one, it has become very difficult this year to keep up with the ever changing cubs roster. Anecdotal evidence follows.
    Saturday I was at the Cubs v Cardinals match at good old Wrigley. It was the 8th inning and we had a relief pitcher come into the game for Zambrano, and the Cubs were in the lead. He was replaced with B. Howry. The next words out of my mouth were, “Who the _uck is B. Howry?” And that sums up how I feel about the Cubs’ situation this year. When a guy like me can’t keep up with the roster changes, don’t expect corporate cock rock jerks to keep up either. The cubs have managed to disassemble the pitching staff that was fairly decent a few years ago by blowing up two aces arms and having no bullpen. So yes, those guys suck, and yes, the batting average leader (as A’s fans neither of you should care, you know better than that) changes quite frequently as barrett, jones, pierre, et. al. are all fairly mediocre this year, and yes, there are a lot of fools who just go to be part of the scene, and yes, those same fools left in the 9th inning and missed the end of a good rally in the 10th, but take it easy on them, their team isn’t doing anything to help them out.

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