I don’t know why, but Jesus hates me. That’s ok though, because I hate America. I hate you Florida. I hate you Ohio. If you’re between 18 and 30 years old, I hate you, you stupid, apathetic pieces of trash. I hate you Iowa for reviving the Kerry campaign. Florida, make that a double for your Jim Crow cheating in 2000. I hate you Nader and all of your self-righteous sheep. I don’t love my neighbors, and that’s why Jesus hates me.