As a part of my policy agenda for when I become benevolent monarch of the world, I offer this new legislation on organ donations:

You have two options for what happens to your body after you die:
(A) All organs and tissues capable of being transplanted are available for donation.
(B) You donate your body to a medical school or research institution. This wish should be in a will and reported to a national registry

No more organ donation cards. No more signing your drivers license. Once you’re dead, you don’t need those organs and tissues anymore. What about family wishes? Are they really going to feel better knowing that they not only lost a loved one, but also failed to help someone elses loved one? And later when they visit the grave site, I doubt they’ll be saying, “If only your kidneys were buried here too, I could stop grieving.”

I haven’t been able to find any current data, but it seems like 2/3 of people waiting for organs don’t get them. And that’s just pathetic.

Say what you will about Europe, but they’re ahead of the curve on this issue. Several countries have an opt-out system, where you must sign a document to avoid having your organs donated, as opposed to the opt-in system used in America.

I was at the Cal Eye Center yesterday for a contact lens fitting. The way it works is that an optometry student does the exam, then the attending doctor comes in to confirm that the student isn’t completely wrong. Anyway, after the student found out I work in the chemistry department, he gave high praise for Steve P., who is one of the organic instructors. He then added:

“I think that was the only science class I ever did well in.”

Well, better that he did well in one science class than zero before judging my eyes healthy.

Here’s a message for you from the good people at Hershey’s, makers of the delectable Reese’s peanut butter cup, which is now available in 12 varieties:

Now my question is this: Is this the result of a lawsuit or trying to prevent one?

In 9th grade biology, Mr. D posed the question, “What part of the human body will be evolved out next?” The answer seemed obvious to everyone else: the pinky toe. While I agree that it’s essentially useless, I failed to see how human populations would derive advantage from the lack thereof. It’s common to hear about apendices rupturing, a serious medical situation that could result in death. However, I’ve never heard about a person bleeding to death after severing their pinky toe. Would a hungry, enraged hyena pass by an eight-toe human for a pinky toer because it needs the extra meat? Maybe all the time that I’m wasting on trimming that ridiculously tiny toe nail could be spent researching mutual funds that will increase in value in the post-fossil fuel world? The internet community has no conclusive answer either.

So I don’t know what the future holds for the pinky toe from an evolutionary standpoint. But I do know one way that our pinky toe-less descendants will be genetically superior: They won’t have to deal with that little appendage rubbing up against the inside of a new shoe and getting all blistered while the shoe is being broken in. And I’m envious.