Realm of the Wombat

Yet one more thing to do at ATT Park this season that is not watching baseball: Giants Stitch n’ Pitch Night

Yet another million dollar idea I missed: Jump-rope for the clumsy. Glad someone is keeping a repository of these winners.

Mel and I were talking about the word “whippersnapper” the other day. She thought the term was “whimpersnapper,” which apparently is a common mistake. After getting her straightened out on that point, I was wondering what the origin of this word is. It seems natural that “whippersnapper” would be derived from “whipsnapper”, but it’s unclear how that came to be used by elders referring to unruly youth.

There seem to be two opinions on the matter. Dictionary.com claims that it’s a derivative of “snipper-snapper,” but I haven’t found any mention of this term independent of whippersnapper. The Online Etymology Dictionary offers both snipper-snapper and whip-snapper as precursors, but their relationship to the meaning still doesn’t make sense to me.

Hope.

Pathetic.

Analogies 101 - Our newest Naval officers : Dick Cheney :: Dick Cheney : China’s president Hu

Last weekend, I “graduated.” That’s “graduated” because I haven’t filed my thesis, so I still have to show up at work. Nevertheless, it was a fun time wearing the regalia and basking in the pride of friends and family, even though it’s a bit premature. Thanks to Mom and Jen for recording the event on film.

See more pics from graduation…

In 9th grade biology, Mr. D posed the question, “What part of the human body will be evolved out next?” The answer seemed obvious to everyone else: the pinky toe. While I agree that it’s essentially useless, I failed to see how human populations would derive advantage from the lack thereof. It’s common to hear about apendices rupturing, a serious medical situation that could result in death. However, I’ve never heard about a person bleeding to death after severing their pinky toe. Would a hungry, enraged hyena pass by an eight-toe human for a pinky toer because it needs the extra meat? Maybe all the time that I’m wasting on trimming that ridiculously tiny toe nail could be spent researching mutual funds that will increase in value in the post-fossil fuel world? The internet community has no conclusive answer either.

So I don’t know what the future holds for the pinky toe from an evolutionary standpoint. But I do know one way that our pinky toe-less descendants will be genetically superior: They won’t have to deal with that little appendage rubbing up against the inside of a new shoe and getting all blistered while the shoe is being broken in. And I’m envious.

Do as I say, not as my grandparents did.

Because I know you’re jealous of Spoonman

It’s estimated that Bonds’ #714 ball could go for upwards of a million dollars. He is stuck on 713, playing at Oakland this weekend, and I will be at the game on Sunday, sitting in the plaza outfield down the right field line.

I don’t know Barry’s resting schedule, but I’m sure he’ll jump at the chance to get in the lineup as DH and save himself the embarrassment of playing the field. He could hit it to section 201. I could catch it.

But I don’t want to.

First of all, the Coliseum faithful expect all home run balls from the opposition to be thrown back on the field. This is a tradition that should have remained at Wrigley, and it’s a catch-22. Throw it back and you’re removed from the stadium. Keep it and you suffer the ire of the Oakland faithful. I couldn’t show my face in the left field bleachers after keeping any non-A’s HR ball, let alone one off the bat of evil incarnate.

Secondly, there is sure to be quite a fracas at the site where this thing lands. I have no intention of suffering serious physical deformities because Bonds has tied the person in second place. I predict that if Barry doesn’t hit #714 until he returns to SF, and it lands in McCovey Cove, where people with nets in kayaks will be waiting, someone will die. A paddle to the head, a kayak overturned, and a Giants fan drowns. You heard it here first.

The fight will likely go on even after the game ends. There was a lengthy legal battle over the ball Barry hit for #73 in 2001. HR #714 is destined to rewrite not only the record books, but US judiciary history.

Finally, I wouldn’t be able to keep the money. Yes, it would represent a windfall equaling 10-fold increase on my salary over the last five years. But it’s blood money. How could I profit from someone who has cheated his way into history? Obviously I couldn’t live with myself.

So there you have it. While it would be a thrill to catch a home run ball, I’m staying away from that one.

Maybe if #715 gets to two million, I’ll jump in the fray.

I hear ya, kid. I hear ya.