Realm of the Wombat

Are there more ants or fish in the world? Wikipedia didn’t have the answer, so I had to ask Yahoo!

This is why I don’t bother tearing up those pre-approved credit card applications I get in the mail. I bet it’s a scam perpetrated by the insidious paper shredding industry.

Moe just described Edna Krabappel’s hair as “gossamer.” Here’s the definition from dictionary.com:

noun
soft sheer gauzy fabric; something delicate, light, or flimsy.

adjective
sheer, light, delicate, or tenuous

That’ll learn ya!

I am the least conspicuous, least memorable person ever.

Exhibit A: In the summer of 2000, Odie and I were both planning to spend the summer at Notre Dame. We wanted to get a room in the air conditioned dorm, but our schedules didn’t allow us to move in at the same time. I went to the housing office to work this out. The woman I talked to told me the issue could be resolved, She said she’d talk to her supervisor later that day and I should come back the next day to sign some forms. I returned as planned and talked to the same woman. She did not remember me from the previous day. I gave her the details of our conversation. She again denied that we had spoken, and in fact became irritated that I was trying to circumvent their summer housing policies. As a result, I sizzled in the friendly confines of Morrissey Hall for three months.

Exhibit B: Last night I was walking down to the bus stop in Berkeley. I hear a woman behind me say, “Sorry! Sorry!” and then something hit me in the left calf. I turned to find that she had run her bike right into me. Her only response to the dumbfounded look on my face was another “Sorry!” after which she rode off.

Apparently, the human mind can repress any interaction with me within 24 hours, and furthermore does not even acknowledge my physical existence until impact is imminent. Time to put my powers as the invisible man to use. I should be able to infiltrate any nation or organization without fear of discovery.

It is safe to disclose this information on the internet, because I will disappear from your mind without a trace.

I guess Bush was right to worry about human-animal hybrids. But it’s only the next logical step for man’s best friend.

To say that Kirby Puckett was my favorite baseball player when I was growing up would be an understatement. Ten years of my life were spent on a quest to acquire every baseball card of his and fill my room with other extraneous memorabilia (e.g. the Kirby Puckett candy bar, pancake mix, and Christmas card from the Pucketts). He was supposed be one of those rare players that are good role models on and off the field. Basically, nobody had anything bad to say about him through his career and induction into the Hall of Fame.

Then we learned that away from the game Kirby was far from perfect. It’s not clear to what extent it was deserved, but nobody has had much good to say about the man for the past few years. I disowned my hero. Perhaps I should have payed attention to that ABC After School Special or very special episodes of Blossom and Saved By the Bell.

Since Kirby passed away earlier this week, people have been sending me condolences like he was a family member. It’s quite a strange phenomenon, and I’ve had mixed feelings about my former idol.

This is what I’ve worked out so far. Kirby Puckett was one of the greatest baseball players of all time. Despite the disadvantages of a poor upbringing and suboptimal physique, he became one of the 15,000+ professionals in the sport’s history, led his team to two championships, and became the most recognizable figure in an entire state. He played with joy, passion, and respect for the game. He chose to stay with one team for his entire career despite the opportunity for a higher salary. Puckett gave back to his native and adopted communities. He was grateful to have the chance to play the game, and not bitter that his career ended early. These are to be admired regardless of whatever else Puckett has done.

Whether it was the result of his meager youth, abrupt end to his playing career, or the hubris of celebrity, Puckett’s life was certainly not as pristine as we believed. Here’s hoping that his wish to have his organs donated are a closer representation of the man than what we’ve heard over his last few years.

(Twins blogger extraordinaire Aaron Gleeman is having the similar mixed emotions.)

Guns, Germs, and Steel is Diamond’s history of the world. Collapse is Diamond’s prediction for the future based on the success or failure of past civilizations. The conclusion is that there are 12 major environmental challenges facing us, and if we don’t overcome all of them, there’s going to be a sharp decline in population. After reading the final chapter, Diamond somehow closes with a cautiously optimistic outlook.

This book was probably too heavy for commute reading. The material was extremely interesting, especially the history of Easter Island, but it took me a very long time to get through it.

One of the most striking images from Collapse is that the Norse Greenland colony is considered a failed experiment. It lasted 800 years. Europeans colonized the Americas 500 years ago. We haven’t proven anything yet.