Four reasons I’d make a great pitcher:

• I’m a gazelle off the mound.
• I like to show off my socks.
• I have no problem pitching inside.
• My fastball has good sinking action.

Four reasons I’d never make it as a pitcher:

• I’m too expensive.
• I have a propensity for fluke injuries, especially cutting my fingers/hands while washing dishes.
• I don’t get along well with the media.
• My fastball tops out at 70 mph.